Heart, Sword, and Song
by JaneDrew
Summary: Life. Love. Holding on. And letting go. This chapter: Yahiko isn't nervous about going to see Tsubame. Really he's not. Not at all.
1. Not While I'm Around

Invocation to the Lawyers: I don't own any of the characters from "Rurouni Kenshin," or any of the songs written by Stephen Sondheim.

And Instructions to the Audience: This is a set of one-shot songfics, pretty much in chronological order, using various songs by Stephen Sondheim. Oddly, it really isn't going to use anything from "Pacifc Overtures," the Sondheim musical that is actually set in late nineteenth-century Japan. Well, maybe one thing.

* * *

All along the road to Otsu, Katsura's words rang in his head. _Husband and wife_. The young woman who walked behind him was silent, and he had no way of knowing if her own thoughts were similar, if she was surprised or disturbed or confused by the sudden change in their circumstances.

It was one thing for him; he had long accustomed himself to following Katsura's orders without hesitation, without question, without doubt. For Tomoe, however... true, she had calmly told the flower vendor that Kenshin was her husband, but what did she really think about what was happening to them? About the fact that they were about to be living together in a small village, keeping up the appearance of a normal, happy young couple?

Did she understand how dangerous this could be for her? He glanced back at her, graceful and demure, looking as if she had never stood stood in an alley reeking of blood, her kimono and face spattered with it, as if she had never seen him cut down a group of Shinsengumi swordsmen in mere seconds.

'_She should not have to be exposed to things that smell of blood,'_ he thought to himself. Now that the two of them were going to be together, it was his responsibility to make sure that Tomoe did not have to face situations like that again.

_Nothing's gonna harm you  
Not while I'm around  
Nothing's gonna harm you  
No sir, not while I'm around_

He still didn't understand the circumstances which had brought her into his life, a stray cat wandering the dangerous streets of Kyoto late at night on feet made unsteady by sake. Ironically, if she had never wandered onto that particular street, where an Ishin Shishi hitokiri was battling a ninja sent to kill him, she could have gotten herself into serious trouble. His jaw clenched slightly as he thought of the many dangers facing a young woman walking alone in the city after dark.

_Demons are prowling everywhere  
Nowadays_

They were dangers that he had become very familiar with over the course of his first year as a hitokiri. Those who would hesitate to attack a young man who moved like a shadow and carried his swords as if born with them, or those who quickly discovered that they should have left him alone... they would not hesitate to see someone like her as a target.

And that was something he would not allow.

  
I'll send 'em howling; I don't care  
I've got ways.

His mind was suddenly full of memories: three rough stones sitting together in a field full of wooden crosses; three women who had pulled him back and protected him, who had thrown themselves in front of the bandits' swords in order to save a small boy's life; the heavy weight of their bodies as he had strained to lift them and drag them to the graves he had managed to dig.

'_It will not happen again. I'm strong enough now; I can protect her!'_ Kenshin's thoughts were fierce, and he looked down in surprise to see that his hand was clasped tightly around the hilt of his katana.

_No one's gonna hurt you  
No one's gonna dare  
Others can desert you  
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there._

When had it started, this desire to protect her? When he had brought her to the inn, he had not thought past that night, past the fact that he could not leave an unconscious woman in a blood-soaked alley with a corpse. But he had certainly never thought that she would stay, had been shocked and dismayed to hear that she had requested a job as a worker at the inn. Her presence had bothered him; he had not wanted to see her, walking calmly through the halls of the building he was living in.

The other Ishin Shishi, however.... Kenshin felt himself becoming angry again as he remembered Iizuka's crass comments that first morning. '_It would have served him right if I **had** knocked him through a wall! He had no right to insinuate that.. that I had.. that we were....'_ His anger shifted into embarassment and he ducked his head to be absolutely certain that Tomoe could not see the faint blush that rose to his face. After that, the rest of the men staying in the inn had at least had the sense not to flirt with her openly, at least not in his presence. And Iizuka himself, who had a reputation for being anything but scrupulous where other men's women were concerned, had shown a remarkable degree of restraint, never even slightly flirting with Tomoe.

_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while  
But in time, nothing can harm you  
Not while I'm around..._

The day was wearing on; he should probably start thinking about stopping and getting them both something to eat. Or maybe she needed to rest for a while? Her unhurried pace had remained the same all morning, and he didn't have any idea if she was tired, or hungry.

"Tomoe?" he inquired, turning to face her, "Are you hungry? Do... do you want to stop and rest?"

He knew from her faint smile that she had heard the undertones of shyness and uncertainty in his voice, but her own was gentle and kind as she softly replied, "No, I don't need to rest. It's a full day's walk to Otsu, and we should try to get there before dark. Perhaps if we could find something to eat along the way?"

He nodded and turned back to the road, now actively searching for a roadside stand or someplace else where they could purchase lunch. _'Not the usual mission of a hitokiri!'_ he thought to himself, with a touch of wry humor. But he didn't mind; he was glad of the chance to make sure that he could take care of her, even in something as minor as this.

_Being close and being clever, ain't like being true  
I don't need to - I would never hide a thing from you  
Like some..._

He wanted her to be happy with this, with him. At the very least, he wanted her not to hate him for the path her life was now taking because of who he was.

Most of all, he wanted her to be safe. He trusted Katsura, and whoever he had used to arrange the house in Otsu. _'Probably Iizuka,'_ Kenshin reflected. The only ones outside of the Ishin Shishi who had seen him with Tomoe were the Shinsengumi who the couple had encountered as Kenshin had tried to find Katsura. And Kenshin had ensured that none of them had lived to tell anybody else that the Ishin Shishi's flame-haired hitokiri had been accompanied by a woman smelling of white plums, whose pale hands had reached for him as she had declared that she wanted to know what it was like when he fought.

He didn't know what he would have chosen to do if any of those men had run away while he was fighting the others. Chase them down, forgetting his responsibility towards Katsura? Leave them alive, knowing that Tomoe could be in terrible danger due to her association with him? No. Never. He could never have endangered her like that.

_No one's gonna hurt you  
No one's gonna dare  
Others can desert you  
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there_

Leaving Kyoto was as much for her safety as for his. But what would it be like, in Otsu? Would they be accepted by their fellow inhabitants as what they appeared to be? He tried to picture the two of them together, living quietly, and found that he couldn't form any kind of image in his mind. He hadn't lived in a small village for such a long time that the memories were faint and blurry.

'_I hope... I hope that it is peaceful there, that the chaos engulfing Kyoto has not spread that far. I hope that Katsura sends Iizuka soon, with news, with what he plans to do next...'_

_Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while_

Kenshin's musings were interrupted by his realization that there was a small stand ahead, where he could purchase lunch for himself and Tomoe. He exhaled slightly in relief. If he had been alone, he probably would have just kept walking all the way to Otsu, but the thought of Tomoe having to do that had worried him. It was his responsibility to make sure that she didn't have to.

He had no idea how to be a husband, even a pretend one, thought Kenshin to himself. But he could learn.

_But in time, nothin' can harm you  
Not while I'm around._

* * *

Authors Note: This song is from Sondheim's "Sweeney Todd," with this particular version taken from Barbara Streisand's "The Broadway Album" (another thing which I do not own).

Japanese terms used here:

Hitokiri: Assassin/Manslayer. Kenshin's job with the Ishin Shishi

Ishin Shishi: "Imperialists" or "Patriots"—the faction that Kenshin fought with in the Revolution, the ones who wanted to topple the Shogunate and restore the Emperor to power.


	2. Loving You

Invocation to the Lawyers: I don't own any of the characters from "Rurouni Kenshin," or any of the songs written by Stephen Sondheim.

And Instructions to the Audience: This is a set of one-shot songfics, pretty much in chronological order, using various songs by Stephen Sondheim. Oddly, it really isn't going to use anything from "Pacifc Overtures," the Sondheim musical that is actually set in late nineteenth-century Japan. Well, maybe one thing.

* * *

On some level, she knew that it was absurd to try to divine the future through radish plants, as if they were tea leaves she could peer at to make out shapes of things to come.

Not that she was sure she wanted to know what was to come.

Still, something in Tomoe's heart had clenched at the sight of the way the plants were suffering at the excess rain. _'Like tears,'_ she thought to herself, _'As if they were overwhelmed by sorrow...'_

Kenshin had heard the emotion in her voice as she had run her hands over the leaves. "I _tried_," she had said, feeling as if her voice would break, "I tried so hard...." He had not understood that she was talking about so much more than the radishes.

_Loving you_

_Is not a choice_

_It's who I am_

He was out in the small field next to the house now, trying his best to salvage what he could of their crop.

'_My husband.'_ she thought. Not the man she had loved for so long; not the man she had expected. This boy, with his bright red hair falling haphazardly across his face, who had shyly offered to grow radishes for her, because she had worried that the meals she prepared for them both were inadequate. This man, with burning amber eyes, who had held a sword to her throat and grabbed her wrist with bruising force, because she had tried to give him her shawl to make his sleep easier.

_Loving you_

_Is not a choice_

_And not much reason to rejoice_

No, not what she had expected at all. She had wanted to hate him; she _had_ hated him, so fiercely that it had pierced through her grief like a blade and sent her on the long road to Kyoto. Long months later, she found herself here in Otsu, living as the wife of a young man who was not in fact an apothecary or a farmer. She suspected that it was mostly for her sake rather than for the sake of their disguise that he was trying so hard to be both. She knew that he was changing, could see it in the way his eyes were softening and his hands were no longer constantly searching for the sword he now put aside during the day.

'_And someday, maybe, you will not feel the need to keep that sword with you at night,'_ Tomoe reflected. Katsura had requested that she be with Kenshin as a sheath against the madness of being a hitokiri, that she help to prevent his soul from being destroyed by the work he had chosen to do. Even before then, she had sought to understand the young man who had carried a stranger home with him in spite of her having witnessed the bloodshed he was capable of.

_But..._

_It gives me purpose_

_It gives me voice_

_To say to the world_

_This is why I live_

_You are why I live_

He had tried to send her away in Kyoto, returning her dagger to her and telling her that she should find someplace safe for herself. The sarcasm in her reply had caused his eyes to widen, and in his startled response she had gotten her first glimpse of the man inside of the hitokiri who had slain her fiance. In retrospect, it was that moment that had started her on the path to where she now was.

His repeated efforts to keep her away from him, his declaration that her kindness would be better spent on someone other than him, someone who did not smell of blood... all of those things had convinced her that he was more than merely a hitokiri, as much as he might not believe it himself. She had been surprised, and more than a little distressed, to find herself not only wanting to understand him, but to help him, to heal the soul-deep wounds that he was causing himself every time he carried out another assignment in the name of making the world a better place.

_Loving you_

_Is why I do_

_The things I do_

_Loving you_

_Is not in my control_

As Tomoe looked out to where he was working in the fields, his brow furrowed in concentration, his hair shining in the sunlight, she was almost overwhelmed by an impulse to go to him and demand, _'Do you understand, can you understand, that there is more to you than your sword?_

She had never asked Kenshin what had made him so desparate to save the world that it had led him to believe that he could only change it through his sword, to see being a hitokiri as the only option available to him. She wanted to, but could never find the words, and she was unsure if he would ever open up to her enough to raise the subject on his own.

_But loving you_

_I have a goal_

_For what's left of my life..._

_I will live_

_And I would die for you_

And what could she offer to him in return for his secrets? How would he feel about her if he knew the truth behind her actions? She had lost Akira because she had been unable to speak her true heart to him; she knew that she could not take that risk again. The pact which she had made to destroy Kenshin haunted her, more even than the memory of Akira's death. She was resolved to protect him, beyond her promise to be a sheath for him; she knew that she would act without hesitation to save him, no matter what the cost to herself.

'_My husband...'_ she thought to herself again.

The one who bought her a mirror their first day in Otsu, and who had given it to her with a kind of proud self-consciousness, wanting so much for her to like it, quite possibly the first present he had ever given to a woman in his young life, his unvoiced desire to see her happy reflecting in his eyes as he gave her the extravagent gift.

_For now I'm seeing love_

_Like love I've never known_

_A love as pure as breath_

_As permanent as death_

_Implacable as stone_

The one whose consuming compassion for those who suffered in the chaos of this world had led him to blood-soaked streets, and to brutally cutting down another man who was gentle, and kind, and who had only wanted to make her happy.

_A love that, like a knife,_

_Has cut into a life_

_I wanted left alone_

Tomoe looked down at the journal she was writing in and sighed. She couldn't remember when she had fallen in love with Akira; he had always been there, since their childhood together. His feelings for her had been marked by tenderness and understanding; it had been a love which made her feel cherished and safe, something that had been a sanctuary for her. After his death, she had felt nothing but hollowness, and she had retreated behind the walls of her own pain. She had neither wanted nor expected anything else, but now...

_A love I may regret_

_But one I can't forget_

Now there was Kenshin, whose face held the scar inflicted by her fiance as he desparately sought to return to her, whose heart was even more scarred through the uses he had put his own sword to.

_I don't know how I let you_

_So far inside my mind_

_But there you are_

_And there you will stay_

_How could I ever wish you away?_

_I see now I was blind..._

She knew in her heart that their time in Otsu was merely a temporary respite, that someday Katsura would send for Kenshin and he would go back to his work as a hitokiri. Was it selfish of her, she wondered, to hope that that day was a long way off? And what would she do if that day came, if Kenshin once again spent his days waiting for black envelopes and his nights causing a rain of blood in the streets of Kyoto?

_And should you die tomorrow_

_Another thing I see_

_Your love will live in me_

What would she do if she lost him to that? What would she do if she lost him to....

Tomoe put her brush down. What was normally a calming activity, one she could turn to to make sense of her own thoughts, was not helping her today. Her feelings for Kenshin were tangled with her own guilt, with her fear that speaking out would destroy what they had, with her fear that staying silent would destroy him....

And she was not sure she could live with it if she destroyed him, not when she already knew that she could have saved the first man she had loved by speaking out.

"Anata," she sighed to herself, "Even if I can save you from yourself, how can I save you from me?"

_Loving you..._

_Is not a choice_

_It's who I am...._

* * *

Author's Note: I do love this song, and it seemed so perfect for Tomoe. "Loving You" is originally from the musical "Passions," but this particular version is on "Sondheim: A Celebration," Disc One. It actually takes the first version of the song and combines it with a later reprise. When Kenshin tells Tomoe that she should find someplace safe to stay, someplace where she won't need her tanto, she snaps back, "Someplace without assassins?" very pointedly, and he responds with that startled, "What?" which is kind of Himura Battousai's version of "Oro?" in the OVA.

Japanese terms used here:

Anata: The form of "you" used by a wife towards her husband; has a connotation of "beloved husband," I think.

Hitokiri: Assassin/Manslayer. Kenshin's job with the Ishin Shishi

Ishin Shishi: "Imperialists" or "Patriots"—the faction that Kenshin fought with in the Revolution, the ones who wanted to topple the Shogunate and restore the Emperor to power.

Tanto: Dagger


	3. No More

Invocation to the Lawyers: I don't own any of the characters from "Rurouni Kenshin," or any of the songs written by Stephen Sondheim.

And Instructions to the Audience: This is a set of one-shot songfics, pretty much in chronological order, using various songs by Stephen Sondheim. Oddly, it really isn't going to use anything from "Pacifc Overtures," the Sondheim musical that is actually set in late nineteenth-century Japan. Well, maybe one thing.

* * *

Himura Kenshin, no longer hitokiri, left his swords behind him on the fields of Toba Fushimi.

How long had he been waiting for this day? He honestly wasn't sure. Since the day he had stated his intentions to leave after the Ishin Shishi had won, and to never kill again? Since he had lived with Tomoe in a small hut in Otsu and learned what it meant to live a peaceful life, the kind of life he had fought to establish for others but never hoped for for himself?

Or even before that, on the day when he had first learned what it was to draw his sword and use it to kill another human being?

And, now that this day was here, what was he supposed to do?

_No more questions, please.  
No more tests._

He had promised Tomoe that, after the fighting was over, he would put down his sword. He had vowed that he would never kill again. Never. No matter what. He held to that now with iron resolve, as determined to fulfill his vow as he had been to use his sword to carve out a new era of peace in Japan.

And he was tired. Five years of bloodshed, five years of being a sword striking from the shadows, or slashing his way across the battlefield...

_Comes the day you say, 'What for?'  
Please.. no more. _

He knew that the fighting was not entirely over, that Katsura had wished him to stay even as he gave Himura permission to go his own way. But the Shogunate had fallen, the Meiji era had risen, and with that, he considered his promise to Katsura fulfilled.

Now the Hitokiri Battousai could finally disappear back into the shadows, never to return.

_We disappoint, we disappear, we die, but we don't._

He knew that many of his comrades were looking forward to positions of power in the new government. For some of them, there was a genuine desire to help, to make the ideals of the Ishin Shishi a reality. For others...

_They disappoint in turn, I fear,  
Forgive, though, they won't. _

Kenshin shook his head, sharply. He had never wanted power, never craved it as some had. He was — _had been!_ — a hitokiri, working alone, reluctantly attending meetings as a bodyguard, but never taking active part. Now, even though part of him worried about the potential for the abuse of power within the new government, he knew that it was not where he belonged.

'_I will not be a watchdog for the new regime. I have no role in building things; I.... All that I can do is... destroy... Not protect. I wasn't able to...'_

He clenched his fists, hard, and closed his eyes, breathing deeply in an attempt to gain some measure of calm. The smell of the battlefield hung heavy in the air, intruding on his thoughts.

And always the same question, buzzing in his brain: '_What am I supposed to do now, with no skills but killing, no trade but death?'_

And always, he had no answer.

_No more riddles.  
No more jests.  
No more curses you can't undo, left by fathers you never knew.  
No more quests_.

Sitting with his wife's body, seeing how peaceful her face was, he had told her that he would continue to live. That her suffering was over, but his was just beginning. And it was true. Sometimes, at night, he would wake up with a shock, pain slashing at his heart like a sword blow, eyes wide and staring at a snow- and blood-filled scene that only he could see.

There were days when remembering his promise, remembering that he had made a vow for after the Ishin Shishi had finally won, was all that kept him alive. Alive in spite of the pain, accepting it as his due, as no more than he deserved for the things that he'd done.

_No more feelings. Time to shut the door.  
Just.. No more. _

And now he was free to fulfill that vow, he had no idea where to start. For the first time in his life, he was completely free to decide what he was going to do... where he was going to go.

'_Not Kyoto.'_ Kenshin thought with determination. _'I can't go to Kyoto... too many people there who might recognize me, too much potential for trouble, and... and... I can't.. I can't visit... I can't. Not to Kyoto.'_

However, saying "Not Kyoto" left an awful lot of room to manuever, and he struggled with it, with the feeling of being cast adrift.

Could he do it, just head off over the horizon, with no destination in mind, with no one ordering him, or sending him, or asking him to go someplace?

_Running away, let's do it.  
Free from the ties that bind.  
No more despair, or burdens to bear,  
Out there in the yonder._

He turned the idea over in his mind. To wander. To leave his title on the battlefield with his swords and be nothing more than a young man learning how to live in this new era...

Could he do it?

_Running away, go to it.  
Where did you have in mind?_

His life had been filled with terrible purpose for the past five years; what could be more opposed to the carefully-calculated actions of a hitokiri than aimless wandering?

_Have to take care.. unless there's a 'where',  
You'll only be wandering blind.  
Just more questions.. different kind._

And no matter where he went, he should be able to see how people were living in this new era he had helped to create, to find a way to help them.

Without killing....

Could he do it? Could he be a help to anybody, not as a hitokiri, but simply as himself, as unworthy as he was?

And who was he, now that he was no longer Battousai? Could he even say that....

_Where are we to go?  
Where are we ever to go?_

Kenshin pulled his mind away from his musings, and turned again to the question of where he should go first.

'_Not where there's still fighting. Not where there's the possibility that they could recognize me and drag me back into this life... No! I will not kill again. I will not. They cannot make me return to that. I will not allow it.'_

But his thoughts were tinged with a kind of desperation. Could he really, honestly say that he could see people suffering, that he could see fighting and bloodshed, and hold himself back? Giving up his swords had been partially symbolic and partially something like self-preservation. The instincts to strike out, to defend, to protect... they were so engrained that he knew it would take very little to call them forth. Carrying a sword was tantamount to laying himself open to breaking the promises he had made to himself, to her. There was no way that he could see that he could do it. No matter how defenseless it left him, no matter how much more likely it made it that he wouldn't survive very long out on the road....

Compared to being able to keep his vow, his own life meant very little to him.

_Running away, we'll do it.  
Why sit around, resigned?  
Trouble is, son, the farther you run,  
The more you feel undefined_

So. Not Kyoto, and not anywhere where there was still fighting. Someplace where he could being to piece together who he was going to be after five years of bearing a name that meant nothing but bloodshed and swift, merciless death. Someplace where he could begin the process of clamping down on his instincts, of turning himself into someone other than a killer.

Which brought him back to his earlier question, to the fear that simmered beneath the surface of his thoughts: _What if I will never be anything but a hitokiri, until the day I die? What if I can never be anything else, can never get away from being Battousai?_

_What if I can never escape from the shadows that threaten to devour me?_

Even now, he knew that his ghosts would always remain, that there were those who would seek him out, if they could find him. That knowledge was another factor in his decision to disappear. The vow that he had made bound him to live on; he could not throw his life away, no matter how justly his death might be sought. And he knew himself well enough to know that anybody who sought his death might well find their own, might awaken his survival instincts in ways that they would regret.

_For what you have left undone, and more,  
What you've left behind. _

Sighing slightly, Kenshin clasped the strap of the pack that he carried over his shoulder and turned towards the closest road that would lead him away from the Ishin Shishi camps.

He had chosen to leave his training and join the Ishin Shishi out of a desire to stop the suffering he had seen in the world around him. What had become of him afterwards... the things that he had done in the name of bringing about a better world.... that was his responsibility, his guilt, his burden to bear. And he would bear it, carrying it on his shoulders into this new Meiji era.

It would remain with him, engraved in his heart and on his face, the sign of his greatest failure, and also the sign of what would inspire him to live on and do his best to help those he encountered as he wandered alone and tried to find a way to live with who he was and who he wanted to be.

_We disappoint, we leave a mess, we die, but we don't. _

_We disappoint in turn, I guess. Forget, though, we won't...._

* * *

Author's Note: This song is from "Into the Woods," which is Sondheim's retelling of a whole bunch of traditional European fairy tales. I took out the last verse, because it wandered way off topic in terms of what fit with Kenshin's thoughts at this point in time. This song is less of a perfect match than the first two chapters, but I didn't want to jump straight from Kenshin and Tomoe in Otsu to everybody in the Meiji Era. So, this is Kenshin walking away from the battlefield, trying to figure out what to do now. It is, of course, before he gets the sakabattou.

Japanese Terms:

Hitokiri: Assassin/Manslayer. Kenshin's job with the Ishin Shishi

Ishin Shishi: "Imperialists" or "Patriots"—the faction that Kenshin fought with in the Revolution, the ones who wanted to topple the Shogunate and restore the Emperor to power.


	4. Pretty Lady

Invocation to the Lawyers: I don't own any of the characters from "Rurouni Kenshin," or any of the songs written by Stephen Sondheim.

And Instructions to the Audience: This is a set of one-shot songfics, pretty much in chronological order, using various songs by Stephen Sondheim. And this is the one song from "Pacifc Overtures," the Sondheim musical that is actually set in late nineteenth-century Japan, that I could find a way to include. Yee-haw.

* * *

It wasn't that the gaijin were somehow worse than the men she normally had to deal with.

Well, it wasn't _only_ that they were worse.

Komagata Yumi stirred the ice in her drink before and considered what her world had become. Nowadays, walking the streets in the entertainment distract of 1Shnyoshinara was no longer the pleasant stroll that it had been. Now, rather than attracting quietly admiring glances, even a high-ranking oiran had to deal with harrassment, with men who had no concept of rank or honor, men who thought that it was appropriate to shout rude suggestions across the narrow streets.

_Pretty lady in your pretty garden,_

_Can't you stay?_

Men who stank of tar, who had clearly not bathed in weeks if not months, men who thought that any Japanese woman within the entertainment district, or even walking alone down the streets of the city, was automatically for sale, something they could bargain for with shouts and half-drunken leers accompanied with rude gestures that required no translation.

_Pretty lady, we got leave_

_And we got paid today_

And it wasn't just the gaijin! Even men who should have known better, who _had_ known better in the past, who had understood that an oiran was someone who had worked and trained and who was deserving of respect and consideration... even they now felt that they could treat her as if she was nothing more than... as if she....

_Pretty lady, with the flower_

_Give a lonely sailor half an hour_

_Pretty lady, can you understand a word I say?_

_Don't go away_

She had put so much effort into reaching the top rank, had trained, and learned, and suffered, and for what? So that the Meiji regime, the regime that had finally clawed its way into power on promises of equality and freedom, after years of bloodshed and warfare that had indelibly stained this country, could declare that the women in her profession weren't even worthy of being considered human?

The Mary Ruth case had been like a slap in the face, Yumi thought to herself, her delicate features twisting in distaste. The Meiji government was pathetically desperate to show its enlightenment, its modernity to the rest of the world—to prove that it was strong enough to survive. As far as she was concerned, all it had demonstrated was its own weakness in the face of European pressure. Only a weak government would seek to hide behind those who could not protect themselves. Only a weak government with no sense of honor would deliberately try to destroy the honor of others in order to save face.

It was no wonder that both Japanese and gaijin men had lost so much respect for the women in the entertainment quarter, even those who held the high rank of oiran. Even their compliments nowadays seemed tainted by the government's declaration, by the dismantling of centuries of social traditions and hierarchy.

_Pretty lady, you're the cleanest thing I've seen all year_

_Pretty lady, you make me pretty glad I'm here_

Looking down at her now-empty glass, she considered whether or not to pour herself another. The alcohol was sharp, burning its way down her throat, a reminder that she was alive and capable of feeling, before settling into a pleasant kind of numbness that enabled her to face the pain and lies that had become her daily routine. On the other hand, her own stubborn pride, the strength she had used to fuel her rise to her current position, would not allow her to seek an easy way out. Once she had a goal, once she had a purpose, she clung to it; her convictions were not easily swayed, and her devotion not easily won, but once given, it was not lightly taken away. For years, her purpose had been her profession, and she had taken pleasure in being the best, in skillfully moving through the brilliantly-lit evening world of the entertainment quarter.

Now the lights seemed tawdry, the clothing and make-up and hairdos heavy and constricting and suffocating.

She wasn't sure what she wanted; but she was becoming increasingly certain that it was not what she had.

It was not that her own life was... bad. She was attractive; she was talented; she was so sought-after that even high-ranking government officials might not be granted her company. Nowadays, she really had no inclination to grant her company to any of them anyway.

Flush with the excitement of their recent rise to power, almost giddy with having overthrown a regime which had endured for so long, the members of the Meiji govermnent she had encountered often seemed to expect that she and the other women in the entertainment quarter would be so overwhelmed that they would flutter their eyelashes, pour sake, and be ready to spread their legs at the slightest suggestion.

_Pretty lady, how about it?_

_Don't you know how long I've been without it?_

It was revolting. It was insulting. It made her want to scream and throw the sake bottles and cups across the room, and only years of practice allowed her to keep her face composed and her emotions hidden.

She wondered if one day one of the idiots would push her too far, and what exactly she would do then.

Sighing, Yumi stood up. It was almost time for her to get ready; she was expecting a new customer this evening, and wanted to make sure that she was looking her best.

'_I wonder what this one will be like?'_ she thought, carrying her glass over to where it could be rinsed out and returned to its shelf. _'He was able to obtain an introduction and an appointment with such ease... he must be very powerful. Is he one of the Ishin Shishi? It wasn't a government official who made the appointment, I'm sure, but perhaps he doesn't want anybody to know that he is... consorting with women in the pleasure quarter? Although none of them seem to look down on one another for 'consorting'....'_

She hoped that he would not be boring. Or at least that he would be polite. That he would have an understanding of what an oiran was and was not supposed to be.

_Pretty lady, beg your pardon_

_Won't you walk me through your pretty garden?_

Up in her room, she looked over her collection of kimonos with a practiced eye. Something suited to the season, something that would bring out the color of her dark eyes, and hair ornaments that would compliment both her complexion and the fabric of the kimono and obi. Something that would make it clear that she was a woman of status, and should be treated accordingly. And all the while, she pondered her new client, a man she had never met.

'_Shishio Makoto... not a name that I've heard before. I wonder what brings him to this town?_

_I wonder what brings him here to me?'_

Taking one last glance in her mirror before she rose and prepared to descend the stairs, to meet the man with whom she was to be spending the evening, Yumi smiled slightly. Whoever he was, he would find nothing to complain about in her appearance.

She found that she was more nervous than she had been in years, and she didn't know why. The thrill of the unknown? The faint sense in the back of her mind that this could be important, could herald the change she had been looking for? She found that she was feeling something perilously close to hope that she might finally find a direction, or at least something that would not make her feel like her life was slowly smothering her in intricately-embroidered silk and well-spoken lies between people who used their words to hide their lack of respect.

Whatever it was, whatever it might bring, she would welcome it.

And Komagata Yumi smiled once again, a small secretive expression that was gone almost as soon as it arrived, and headed out of her room to meet whatever it was that her future and the fates had in store for her.

_Pretty lady, look, I'm on my knees_

_Pretty please..._

* * *

Author's Note: Gah. Yumi is very difficult to write! I wanted to explore her mindset right before she meets Shishio, to show something of why she then ends up with him. I don't know when Shishio and Yumi are supposed to have met, but this seemed to make sense.

The information about the Mary Ruth case came from the scene where Chou is telling the Kenshingumi about Yumi's past (Volume 17, Chapter 148).  
"In 1872 a Chinese coolie deserted from a Peruvian ship lying at anchor in Yokohama . ..When it became clear that the ship, the Mary Ruth, was a slave ship and that the coolie had been cruelly treated, the Meiji government liberated him at his trial, showing the world that it was a nation that respected human rights. Peru retorted that Japan had prostitutes living as slaves in the pleasure quarters. Faced with this contradiction, the government eventually stated that if prositutes were to be human beings whose freedom had been stolen, then one might as well say it was wrong to demand payment for cattle and release them. Issuing an emancipation proclamation in this spirit, so far strayed from the rest of humanity, would be just as logical." (taken from Maigo-chan's excellent "Rurouni Kenshin" translations page)

Japanese Terms:

Gaijin: The Japanese word for "foreigner".

Oiran: The highest-ranking prostitute in the entertainment district.


	5. Green Finch and Linnet Bird

Invocation to the Lawyers: I don't own any of the characters from "Rurouni Kenshin," or any of the songs written by Stephen Sondheim.

And Instructions to the Audience: This is a set of one-shot songfics, pretty much in chronological order, using various songs by Stephen Sondheim. It started back in the Bakumatsu, and is now well into the Meiji. This is shortly before the actual starting point of the series.

* * *

Every morning, she looked out at the gardens surrounding the manor, admiring the elegant precision of the lawns and trees, listening to the songs of the birds, and trying to remember her reasons for not dying that day.

And every morning, the list seemed to get shorter and shorter.

_Green finch and linnet bird,_

_Nightengale, blackbird_

_How is it you sing?_

At one point, she had been idealistic. She could still remember it, but only with a curious kind of detachment, as if it was some other girl who had been so determined to master the medical arts her family had practiced for generations, some other girl whose parents and siblings had joyfully watched and encouraged and praised.

_How can you jubilate_

_Sitting in cages_

_Never taking wing?_

Even when she had first come to Tokyo, she had cherished her hopes, holding onto them tightly in the face of catastrophic loss and personal tragedy, escaping the fires of Aizu with no clear destination in mind, simply fleeing. Looking back, she wasn't even sure what she had hoped to accomplish by coming to Tokyo. Escape from her memories? A way to lose herself in the bustle of a large city? The vague hope that she might, just possibly, hear news of her family, or turn a street corner to suddenly discover them there?

Now, the thought of meeting her family again made her blood burn with embarassment. How could she face them, after everything that she had done? How could she ever hope to look them in the eyes again, how could she even approach them?

Maybe that was the real reason she stayed here, in the mansion of a man who made her debase her hard-earned skills in the worst possible way, dealing out death and addiction. Maybe she was doomed to spend the rest of her life staring out of windows at the gardens, without having the courage to walk through them.

_Outside, the sky waits_

_Beckoning, beckoning,_

_Just beyond the bars_

_How can you remain,_

_Staring at the rain,_

_Maddened by the stars?_

Takani Megumi closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against the expensive Western glass, a luxury Kanryu indulged in so that he could demonstrate his wealth and power, so that he could brag or intimidate, depending on his audience or his mood. She tried to enjoy the coolness of the window, to use it to calm her thoughts, but found herself unable to overcome her awareness of what she was going to have to do today, what she had done yesterday, and the day before, and the week before, and the month before, and farther back than that, obliterating every other past or future she had ever had or imagined for herself, slowly eating away at her hope.

_How is it you sing anything?_

_How is it you sing?_

She knew that the longer she stayed here, the more likely it was that Kanryu would become impatient enough to send one or more of the guards after her. In fact, she would have been willing to bet that at that very moment, Kanryu was wiping his mouth after an expensive Western-style breakfast-- '_No mere miso soup for such an exceptionally skilled entrepreneur!_' she thought wryly—and trying to decide whether to have her fetched or allow her the indulgence of a few more minutes, the appearance of being able to make her own decisions.

_Green finch and linnet bird,_

_Nightengale, blackbird,_

_How is it you sing?_

Furthermore, if Kanryu did decide to send guards after her, she was almost positive that he wouldn't send just any guards, but would grace her with the favor of sending one of his two strongest, either Hannya or Shinomori Aoshi.

After all, ordinary guards might resort to insults, or rough handling. Kanryu always preferred to keep up a facade of politeness, of good-natured understanding and well-mannered gentility, as if her employment were freely chosen and his patronage a favor to be appreciated. Not to mention the fact that her work would suffer if she was... damaged.

With either of the two Oniwabanshuu, the demands for her immediate return to the laboratory where she worked were more subtle, the underlying threats never overtly expressed. Sometimes, they were even willing to allow her a little time to finish whatever she claimed to have been doing before going down to work.

She supposed she ought to consider it something like courtesy on their part, or perhaps a kind of mutual respect from fellow employees who might also prefer to be elsewhere.

_Whence comes this melody,_

_constantly flowing?_

_Is it rejoicing, or merely hello-ing?_

A soft step behind her caused her to smile ruefully before turning to face the man in the white trenchcoat. Idly, she wondered how long he had been standing there, watching her gaze out at the gardens, before he decided to make his presence known.

'_I suppose that I should be grateful that he didn't just suddenly appear at my side and order me to get to work. Then again, Kanryu has probably made it clear that the Oniwabanshuu's ability to sneak around like exceptionally quiet ghosts is not always appreciated. At least not when it has repeatedly made him almost have a heart attack.'_

"Kanryu requests that you proceed to the laboratory to begin the day's work, Takani-san." Aoshi said in an even, emotionless tone.

"And he sends a member of the famed Edo Oniwabanshuu all the way across the mansion merely to make such a request? I _am_ flattered, Okashira, at your willingness to devote time to such a ... _minor_ task." Her tone was light, and faintly mocking, the barb underneath her politeness clear.

'_How does it feel, Okashira, to be reduced to playing sheepdog for a drug merchant? To be at his beck and call, to see your once-legendary group descend into mediocrity and pointless tasks?'_

The tightening of Aoshi's jaw was almost—_almost_—imperceptible, but when he spoke, his tone was only a few degrees above freezing, and the look in his eyes could have cracked the glass of the window they both stood in front of.

"Kanryu's request was most urgent, Takani-san. He is... anxious to discuss the possibilities of further chemical experiments with you, and is waiting for your arrival."

Without saying another word, he turned on one heel and stalked out of the room, not bothering to see if she followed or not. He knew that she would.

Watching Aoshi's back, the stiff set of his shoulders obvious even under his trenchcoat, Megumi allowed herself a moment of internal rejoicing. A small triumph, and a petty one, but she couldn't help herself.

The last several years had been a personal hell for her, but she had developed her ability to hone insults and throw sharp comments with almost unfailing accuracy. Words had become both offense and defense for her, the only weapons that she possessed.

_Are you discussing,_

_Or fussing_

_or simply dreaming?_

_Are you crowing?_

_Are you screaming?_

And, to be honest, she enjoyed reminding the proud Okashira that he was no better than she was, that they were both working for a man with no concept of honor. Neither of them had any right to be proud of what they had become.

_Ringdove and robbinette_

_Is it for wages_

_Singing to be sold?_

If Aoshi had been more approachable, she might have asked him what had led him and his men, so clearly willing to follow him no matter where it might take them, to this place, to working for Kanryu. The Okashira was too intelligent, too experienced not to know that Kanryu had hired them largely because having the famed Oniwabanshuu work for _him_, following _his_ orders would add more to his power and prestige than a hundred regular bodyguards. Even if he only used them to run meaningless errands.

Megumi snorted slightly as she walked down the stairs behind Aoshi. Kanryu could order the Oniwabanshuu to tend his gardens for him, and it would still add to his prestige. In fact, showing that he controlled the men who had once been trusted to guard Edo castle so completely would probably add even _more_ to his prestige in the underworld than a hundred spy or assassination assignments. And Aoshi knew it. Knew that Kanryu enjoyed exercising his power, knew that every day saw the Oniwabanshuu's reputation and honor suffer, saw their ideals wither and die a little more.

'_And I'm no better,'_ she mused. '_If anything, I'm worse than they are; they were trained to spy, and kill, and work in the shadows. I was raised to help people, to ease suffering, to follow in the footsteps of my family. And what have I become? Worse than any of them could ever have imagined. And what can I do?'_

She couldn't even say with any clarity why she stayed in the mansion, trapped like a bird, following orders that she hated. Fear? Habit? Cowardice?

_Have you decided it's safer in cages_

_Singing when you're told?_

When she arrived in Tokyo, she had been young and naive, jumping at the chance to work with a doctor she believed to be respectable. She had fought her growing suspicions about the true nature of his work, holding to her belief that doctors were inherently good people. When Kanryu had had him killed, and had decided that it was more secure for him to have his opium-producer where he could keep a close eye on her, she had been too traumatized to resist.

Now she existed from day to day, looking out of windows, and barely holding herself back from ending a life that seemed to close around her more and more every day.

_My cage has many rooms,_

_Damasked and dark..._

_Nothing there sings_

_Not even my lark..._

Megumi barely heard what Kanryu was saying to her as she began work. It was almost mechanical by now: mixing chemicals to create the opium that earned Kanryu his money, that destroyed countless lives and souls. Including her own.

And she had no idea how she could possibly repent for everything that she had done.

_Larks never will, you know_

_When they're captive_

_Teach me to be_

_More adaptive..._

By the time she had finished her work for the day, under the eyes of Kanryu and a series of suspicious guards, the sun was already almost below the horizon and the chill of evening had begun to set in. Wearily, Megumi ate her dinner without even tasting it and went back through the hallways to her room, to stare blankly at the ceiling and pray for sleep. After about an hour, she got up and went back to the window, looking out at the moonlit garden.

'_I cannot go on like this,'_ she thought. It was not the first time that she had thought this way, but this time there was a conviction that had not been present before. More than just a thought; this time, it was a statement of fact. '_I cannot go on like this.'_

But exactly what that meant, Megumi was unable to determine. Try to run? She had nowhere to run to, no-one who she could ask for help, and she knew that nobody would help her if they knew the truth about her. Kill herself? She could think of a dozen ways to do it, most of them reasonably painless, and fewer and fewer reasons not to. Even her hope that she might somehow see her family again was fading day by day, to be replaced by the conviction that they would hate her for what she had become. Kill Kanryu? Not as long as Aoshi Shinomori and the Oniwabanshuu stood bound to protect him. They had guarded Edo castle against the Ishin Shishi; they could certainly protect Kanryu from one desparate woman's attack.

And as she lay herself back down, options and questions continued to circle endlessly in her brain, leaving her no closer to finding an answer, only a forlorn hope that someday, she would find not only a way out, whatever that way might be, but also the courage to grasp it.

And with that prayer in her heart, Takani Megumi finally fell into a restless sleep, awaiting the dawn and another day of staring out across green lawns and fragrant gardens, forever just out of her reach.

_Green finch and linnet bird,_

_Nightengale, blackbird,_

_Teach me how to sing_

_If I cannot fly,_

_Let me sing._

* * *

Author's Note: Sorry about the delay! Just moved, and it took me a while to get everything straightened out, e-mail wise; I'm still trying to catch up with things. This was supposed to be entirely about Megumi, but somehow Aoshi suddenly showed up. Darned sneaky ninjas! "Green Finch and Linnet Bird" is a beautiful song from "Sweeny Todd," a very bloody Sondheim musical based on British urban legends about a bloodthirsty barbor. The idea of a young woman trapped in a luxurious mansion and in her own circumstances seemed very appropriate for Megumi before the Kenshingumi rescue her, and the bird theme seemed appropriate considering Kanryu's characterization of Megumi as the hen that laid golden eggs.

P.S.: Ten points and cookies to anybody who gets the garden-tending joke!

Japanese Terms:

Ishin Shishi: "Imperialists" or "Patriots"—the faction that Kenshin fought with in the Revolution, the ones who wanted to topple the Shogunate and restore the Emperor to power.

Okashira: "Leader" or "Captain"—the title Aoshi carries as the man who is in charge of the Oniwabanshuu.


	6. Losing My Mind

Invocation to the Lawyers: I don't own any of the characters from "Rurouni Kenshin," or any of the songs written by Stephen Sondheim.

And Instructions to the Audience: This is a set of one-shot songfics, pretty much in chronological order, using various songs by Stephen Sondheim. And, finally, we have reached the timeline within which the anime/manga takes place! And I finished this chapter! Woo-hoo!

* * *

After a couple of months living at the Kamiya Dojo, Kenshin found that his days had settled into a pleasant routine.

_The sun comes up,  
I think about you._

He always awoke just before dawn, a long-engrained habit, and dressed quickly, taking a few moments to enjoy the peace of the dojo as the sun rose, letting the stillness relax him as he walked through the hallway towards the courtyard.

And always, he paused outside of one particular door, listening to the faint breathing he could hear as she slept, the occasional rustling of fabric as she tried to get more comfortable.

It probably should bother him that it was becoming more and more of a struggle not to open the door and watch her sleep, to absorb himself in the way her dark hair fell across pale skin and the way that her lips parted slightly as she breathed, he reflected, but it didn't.

He performed his morning katas quickly, running through the exercises of the Hiten Mitsrugi Ryuu with silent precision, his sakabatou flashing in the early morning light. Kenshin smiled as he finished. It was lucky for him that Yahiko didn't know that he practiced every morning; otherwise, the boy would spare no effort in attempting to be awake, no matter what the hour.

Heading into the kitchen, Kenshin contemplated what to cook for the day. He had found that it was better to plan the meals for the day while he prepared breakfast, determining exactly what was available and what would have to be purchased.

He wondered what some of his old opponents would say if they saw the legendary hitokiri using his eye for detail and sharp observational skills in the kitchen rather than on the battlefield.

Probably nothing, at least not after they had seen the swift, precise way he sliced the vegetables for the miso soup.

'_I wonder what Kaoru-dono would like for lunch this afternoon? She will be teaching all morning, that she will, and I'm sure that she would appreciate a good meal when she gets back. If I go to the market this morning, I could get some fresh fish...'_

'_And, if I go this morning, I could accompany Kaoru-dono at least part of the way to where she teaches...'_

  
_The coffee cup,  
I think about you._

As he stirred the soup, and listened to the faint noises that indicated the young assistant master was up and moving about to start her day, Kenshin considered the idea further.

While he knew that Kaoru was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, and that no-one was likely to bother a young woman who moved confidently in her gi and hakama through the streets, carrying her bokken with obvious skill, the incident with Jineh had shaken him badly, and his protective instincts were always on edge when she was away from the dojo and out of his sight.

But he would be lying to himself if he claimed that that was the only reason, and Kenshin knew it.

Being with Kaoru.... walking down the streets of Tokyo with her, listening to her talk about her students, or simply about her day, seeing how her deep blue eyes sparkled, and how her hair shone in the sun.... for Kenshin, it was something like peace, something that he had never expected to find in his life.

He couldn't admit, even to himself, that it might be more than just peace that he felt in Kaoru's company.

  
_I want you so,  
It's like I'm losing my mind._

Soon, Kaoru came into the kitchen, her eyes brightening at the sight of breakfast. That it might be something other than breakfast that made that light appear in her eyes was another thing Kenshin couldn't admit to himself.

"Good morning, Kenshin!" she said, "Do you need any help with anything?"

"Thank you, Kaoru-dono— the miso soup is almost finished, that it is, and sessha has already set the table."

The smile that she gave him in response warmed his heart; the way her long black ponytail swung as she turned and headed into the dining room sent unexpected sparks down his spine.

He could still remember the way the sun had shone as she shook out her loosened hair, down by the river, when she had given him her favorite hair ribbon to ensure that he would come back to the dojo. The small piece of dark blue silk still carried a faint jasmine scent to it that surprised him every time he had occasion to take things out of the chest in his room where he had carefully saved it.

Carrying the miso soup into the dining room, Kenshin had to suddenly lift the bowl in order to avoid Yahiko's sudden, stumbling entry.

"Oro!"

The boy had clearly only just rolled out of bed, and was still sleepily rubbing his eyes. Kaoru raised an eyebrow at her student's appearance.

"Didn't you get to bed at a decent hour, Yahiko-_chan_?" she questioned.

In spite of his sleepiness, the boy's response was prompt and expected. "Don't call me "chan," busu!!"

Kenshin had to smile at this further component of his morning routine as the argument between the dojo's other two inhabitants continued. Fortunately, before it could degenerate into actual brawling over the low table, a familiar voice echoed through the room.

"Oi! Anybody there this morning? Oi, Jou-chan!"

"Sano," Kaoru said wryly, "how is it that you _always_ seem to show up at breakfast time?"

"Natural talent," the ex-fighter-for-hire said, shrugging as he picked up a bowl and chopsticks and started in on the food. Aside from a brief scuffle between Yahiko and Sano over the last of the riceballs, breakfast passed without further incident.

As Kenshin took the dishes into the kitchen, Kaoru went into the dojo for a brief practice session with Yahiko before she headed off to teach. Sano contented himself with lounging on the porch and watching, clearly planning on spending the interval after breakfast in waiting for Kenshin to fix lunch.

Kenshin, trying to watch Kaoru to see when she was going to leave without making it look like he was watching her, finished the dishes and prepared everything to go to the market.

By the time she had instructed Yahiko to clean the dojo and continue practicing in her absence, Kenshin was casually getting ready to head out the door, a perfectly innocent look on his face.

"Kaoru-dono, should sessha help carry your equipment to your lessons?"

She blinked at Kenshin as he bent to pick up her bundle without waiting for a reponse. "Kenshin no baka! Don't be silly! I always.. I'm perfectly capable of... for heaven's sake, Kenshin, you can't carry all of my things AND the shopping basket!"

"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed as Kaoru snatched up her bokken and other equipment and turned to exit the dojo. By the time he had picked up the basket and headed after her, she was already at the gate, and the faint flush he thought he'd seen on her face as she'd grabbed her things was completely gone.

The walk passed in pleasant conversation about nothing in particular. Kenshin inquired when Kaoru would be back home, she asked him to make sure that Yahiko didn't shirk on doing the chores and exercises he had been assigned, and both of them made inconsequential observations about the weather and the state of the neighborhood. Far sooner than he had expected—or wanted—they had arrived at the Kuchiki Dojo, Kaoru had said goodbye and gone in, and Kenshin had to turn back to go to the market.

'_Fresh fish,'_ Kenshin thought to himself, '_Fresh fish and whatever vegetables look good today.... after a morning spent giving lessons, Kaoru-dono should have a good lunch, something filling... She always works so hard when she teaches, she's sure to have an appetite...'_

Kenshin was constantly amazed at the energy Kaoru put into her teaching, the enthusiasm she had for maintaining and passing on her father's style. He remembered the first time he'd seen her practicing, a few days after he had started staying at the dojo. He had been coming to ask her what she might want him to fix for lunch, and had stood, transfixed, watching her move through her katas with grace and determination, her blue eyes flashing and her ponytail swinging with her motions.

She was so beautiful when she was doing something with her whole heart and soul.

With some difficulty, he dragged his thoughts back to lunch, and laundry, and the hundred other things that he should be spending his time thinking about.

_The morning ends,  
I think about you._

Back at the dojo, Kenshin was pleasantly surprised to find that Sano and Yahiko had managed to avoid seriously damaging either the building or each other. The former was stretched out on the porch, watching Yahiko as he cleaned the dojo floor.

"Oi, brat, you missed a spot."

"Shut up, roosterhead!"

"Tcha—what're you gonna do about it, Yahiko-chan."

Apparently, Kenshin thought wryly, he had spoken too soon. Physically stepping between the other two before Yahiko could carry out his obvious intention of tackling Sano, he said, "Yahiko, if you've finished cleaning the floor, Kaoru-dono told sessha to tell you to be sure to get ready for sparring with her this afternoon. She is most interested in seeing your progress, that she is."

The prospect of a session with his sensei sent Yahiko off to get some more practice in before lunch. No matter how much he might tease Kaoru, he knew perfectly well that attempting to spar with her unprepared was asking for trouble—not to mention bruises and sarcastic remarks.

Kenshin headed into the kitchen, followed by Sano. The younger man casually leaned up against the wall as Kenshin put down the groceries and began taking down the pots and utensils he would need to fix lunch.

"So, Kenshin, when's Jou-chan gonna be back?"

"Kaoru-dono should be back early this afternoon, that she should. After she's done giving her lessons."

"Ah. So..um... the rest of us are gonna eat first, right?"

At Kenshin's not-quite-glare from across the board where he was chopping vegetables, Sano quickly backed down. "I mean... um... Kenshin, are you sure that you should be cooking already, since we're not gonna be eating until Jou-chan gets back from teaching?"

"Everything will take a while to cook, Sano, that it will; by starting now, sessha is making sure that it will be ready once Kaoru-dono comes home, so that she won't have to wait."

"Oh." Sano fell silent for a time, absent-mindedly chewing the fishbone that he never seemed to be without.

Kenshin sincerely hoped that it wasn't in fact always the same fishbone.

"Jou-chan's been gettin' the chance to teach at other dojos more often these days, hasn't she?"

"Yes, that she has," Kenshin agreed, smiling slightly as he carefully lowered the fish into the mixture of soy sauce and spices he was using as a marinade.

The False Battousai incident might have almost destroyed the Kamiya Dojo, but Kaoru's determination and her fiery spirit, not to mention her willingness to practically go door-to-door and offer her skills as a teacher, were helping to get the school back on its feet.

Kenshin was heartily glad that things were looking up for Kaoru and her family's style. He still remembered the way that her shoulders had slumped when her last students had announced their intention to quit, the way that the light in her eyes had seemed to dim at the prospect of being left alone to defend a reputation that lay in tatters.

It was no wonder, really, that he had worried so much that she would try to kill herself; that he had mistaken the silence in the bath for an ominous sign and rushed in, fully intent on saving her from a horrible mistake, bursting through the door to see...

"Orororo!" Kenshin pulled himself out of his musings almost violently and ducked behind his bangs, hoping that Sano was concentrating too much on snagging a few of the vegetables Kenshin had chopped to notice how red the ex-hitokiri's face had become.

  
_I talk to friends,  
I think about you._

Fortunately for him, Sano was either unobservant or surprisingly tactful, and nothing was said.

'_Winters in Hokkaido... _' Kenshin thought, gritting his teeth and trying very, very hard to yank his mind away from the surprisingly detailed image it insisted on retaining of Karou in the bath, her brilliant blue eyes wide with surprise, a few strands of black hair escaping from the towel she had used to keep it out of the way, turning towards the noise of the door opening so that she was facing him, and... '_LONG winters in northern Hokkaido... spending the whole day standing under a waterfall to train.... that time Shishou ran out of sake...'_

  
_And do they know?  
It's like I'm losing my mind._

Kenshin wasn't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that he had already chopped all of the vegetables for lunch. On the one hand, chopping vegetables would have provided a distraction that he apparently was greatly in need of. On the other, right now it probably wasn't a good time for him to be using anything resembling a sharp object.

Even though he was able to get his wayward thoughts under control by the time he started grilling the fish, he still found himself in danger of burning it, and made himself pay more attention to the task than usual.

Kaoru came home in high spirits, grinning and humming under her breath. When Sano asked about it around a mouthful of grilled fish, she cheerfully told him that Kuchiki-san had been so impressed with her skills that he had asked her if she would be available to teach more often.

"Congratulations, Kaoru-dono!" Kenshin said sincerely, genuinely happy for the young kendo instructor.

She gave him another of her brilliant smiles and replied, "Thank you, Kenshin! I have to admit, I was very surprised when Kuchiki-san approached me! I think that he wants his students to have training in the Kamiya Kasshin style because it complements his own dojo's teachings so well, which is great—not to mention the fact that it will bring in some extra income!"

"You said it, busu!" Yahiko chimed in, "And I think that we should all go out tonight to the Akebeko to celebrate!"

"Hah—you just wanna get a chance to see Tsubame again; admit it!" Sano easily ducked the bowl that was aimed at his head and grabbed another helping of grilled fish as Kaoru whacked Yahiko upside the head for calling her "busu."

Kenshin smiled at the people he thought of as his family. Family... something he could hardly remember having... something the lonely rurouni hadn't even allowed himself to dream of, until the night one young woman had vehemently declared that she wanted _him_ to stay. Not the assassin, not the legend, just... him. It was a memory that warmed him even as it continued to amaze him, the way that whatever Kaoru had seen in him had led her to offer him a place in her home, in her life.

After washing the dishes, he headed outside to take care of the laundry. Sano had left after the meal, claiming "important business" that Kenshin was fairly sure would involve sake, dice, and whichever of Sano's buddies had managed to keep out of jail this week. Kaoru and Yahiko were sparring together, the clacking noises of their shinai bringing a smile to Kenshin's face as he began the wash.

'_A style that brings out people's potential... If anybody can make that dream a reality, it's Kaoru-dono, that it is...'_ he thought to himself. And oh, how he wanted her to succeed. Because it would mean that he hadn't fought and killed in vain; because it would show that the new era was truly one of peace rather than chaos and bloodshed...

.... because it would make her happy.

  
_All afternoon,  
Doing every little chore,  
The thought of you stays bright._

"Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin questioned as he approached her. The laundry and the lesson were both finished, and Kaoru was getting herself a drink of water, wiping the sweat from her brow with one sleeve. "Would you like sessha to prepare a bath for you?"

"Oh, thank you, Kenshin; I would really appreciate it." Kaoru closed her eyes as she leaned back and stretched, and Kenshin found himself watching length of her neck and the hollow at the base of her throat before he tore his eyes away towards where the firewood he would need to heat the bath was carefully stacked.

He said something in response that he wasn't sure even made sense and dashed off towards the bathhouse before Kaoru could respond.

It was ridiculous to notice things like that. It...it was insulting to the hospitality Kaoru had given him, it was taking advantage of her kind nature and desire to help others, wasting time that he should be devoting to chores and what he needed to be doing around the house, and.. and... _repentance_, dammit, and everything that had consumed his thoughts since he had started wandering, and before that, ever since.. ever since he'd.... he'd lost any right to notice things like the length of her hair or the color of her eyes or the way that her smile made his heart beat faster...

Closing his eyes, Kenshin stopped in the middle of the dojo yard, clenching his fists and breathing in and out, re-establishing the control he'd spent so long perfecting.

  
_Sometimes I stand  
In the middle of the floor,  
Not going left,  
Not going right._

He would find a way to bring his wayward emotions back under contol. It was the only option available to him, so he would do it. Making sure that his cheerful "rurouni" countenance was firmly in place, Kenshin went to heat the bathwater.

Instead of going to the Akebeko that evening, Kaoru persuaded Yahiko that it made more sense for them to go the following afternoon. Kenshin fixed a simple dinner, and even cautiously allowed Kaoru to help in the kitchen, although he was careful to keep her away from the spices and seasonings.

Once the evening had faded into night, and both Kaoru and Yahiko had gone to bed, Kenshin went out to perform the last part of the routine he'd developed during his life at the dojo.

  
_I dim the lights  
And think about you,_

First, he checked the street in front of the gate for signs of anything suspicious before firmly closing and locking the gate. Then he walked the interior perimeter of the dojo, senses fully alert for anything suspicious, anything out of the ordinary. Checking the bathhouse was largely a question of making sure that the fire had been fully extinguished and that there were no wet towels lying around on the floor.

The bathhouse still smelled of jasmine, Kenshin realized. Almost as if Kaoru was still there, just finishing her bath, and he would turn around to see her, wrapped in a towel, looking at him...

Kenshin clenched his jaw against the image. '_And then she would beat you to a pulp with the nearest blunt object, idiot; and you would deserve it. You deserve it anyway, thinking about something like that...... again....'_

Checking the inside of the house, Kenshin once again paused outside Kaoru's door, listening to the deep, even, sound of her breathing.

Nipping the temptation to open the door in the bud, Kenshin resolutely turned and headed for his own room. But sleep eluded him for a very long time.

  
_Spend sleepless nights  
To think about you._

"_Kaoru-dono_," he thought as he lay and stared at the ceiling, '_It means so much to me that you've allowed me to stay here, to have this chance at a peaceful life... the life of an ordinary swordsman... __I have.. sessha has no right to keep thinking about.. everything that I've been thinking about...'_

What on earth would she do if she ever suspected the thoughts that ran through his head? Hit him? Yell at him? Throw him back out onto the street like he deserved? Or...

He remembered when Kaoru had broken Jineh's hold on her, and how she had collapsed afterwards, causing him to panic and run to catch her, dropping his sakabatou in his frantic worry that she was dying, that Jineh had killed her, that _he_ had killed her with his hesitation.... Then she had opened her eyes and looked at him,... she had looked at him, and everything about her expression had said....

  
_You said you loved me,_

No. No, that couldn't possibly have been it. Worry about him? That, he could believe. Relief that he hadn't broken his vow? Absolutely. Dizziness brought about by oxygen deprevation? Altogether a more logical, plausible explanation for the expression he had seen in Kaoru's eyes.

  
_Or were you just being kind?_

At any rate, those were explanations that didn't threaten to make Kenshin's own heart beat faster, that took away the temptation to go back out into the hall, to Kaoru's room, to wake her up and ask her what exactly she had meant by looking at him that way, and what she expected him to do about it, two questions which he doubted would elicit anything like a positive response at this late hour. Or any other time, really.

  
_Or am I losing my mind?_

Resolutely closing his eyes, Kenshin focused on taking deep, calming breaths, on clearing his mind of distracting thoughts and reflections, so that he could finally fall asleep.

After all, tomorrow promised to be another full day, and he had an early morning routine to wake up for.

  
_I want you so,  
It's like I'm losing my mind..._

* * *

Author's Note: This song, "Losing My Mind," is from "Follies," although I know it from Tim Curry's brilliant version on the "Sondheim: A Celebration" collection (and, really, when he asks, "Or am I losing my mind?" he manages to make it sound like a pretty open question...). It seemed like an appropriate choice for Kenshin, as he's trying to settle into a new life and suddenly having to deal with a lot of feelings that he never expected and isn't sure he wants/deserves, and which are causing him a fair bit of confusion on a regular basis. There's actually another section to the song, but since it's just repeating previous verses—and since this chapter was already about twice as long as the others—I left it off. Points to anybody who knows where the name "Kuchiki" for the random other dojo came from (Hint: It was a toss-up between calling it the Kuchiki Dojo and the Kurosaki Dojo....).

Japanese Terms:

baka: Idiot. Kaoru's favorite insult for Kenshin translates as "Kenshin, you idiot!"

busu: Ugly. Yahiko's favorite insult for Kaoru.

-chan: Diminutive or affectionate suffix; one of its uses is for small children, which is why Yahiko finds it so insulting (and why Kaoru and Sano use it to tease him).

-dono: Very, very polite and respectful (also antiquated) suffix, used by Kenshin for Kaoru, Megumi, Misao, Tae, and various other characters.

Hitokiri: Assassin/Manslayer. Kenshin's job with the Ishin Shishi ("Patriots") during the Bakamatsu (Revolution).

Jou-chan: "Missy" or "Little Missy"-- Sano's nickname for Kaoru

Rurouni: Wanderer/Vagabond A word that Nobuhiro Watsuki actually made up to refer to Kenshin.

Sakabatou: Reverse-blade sword. Rather than having a sharp side and a dull side, like a normal Japanese katana. Kenshin's sakabatou has a dull side and a sharp side.

Sessha: "This unworthy one"—how Kenshin usually refers to himself. I left it in Japanese because it seemed more awkward to keep saying "This unworthy one" in the middle of sentences.

Shishou: Master. How Kenshin refers to Seijuro Hiko, the man who raised and trained him.


	7. Love I Hear

Invocation to the Lawyers: I don't own any of the characters from "Rurouni Kenshin" or any of the songs written by Stephen Sondheim.

And Instructions to the Audience: This is a set of one-shot songfics, pretty much in chronological order, using various songs by Stephen Sondheim. Chronologically, this is somewhere between the fight with Raijuta and the appearance of Katsu.

* * *

He was not at all nervous, he thought to himself. Not even a little bit. 

After all, he was the descendent of a long line of samurai. He had survived years on the streets on his own; he had survived fights with bodyguards and gangsters and that crazy idiot Gohei; he regularly survived busu's cooking, so this shouldn't be any more difficult, right? Right. Absolutely. No doubt whatsoever.

So why was he pacing the ground behind the dojo, shinai loosely held in one hand, glaring at the grass as if it was responsible for he what was absolutely certain could not possibly be nervousness?

Yakiko sighed. It was a good thing Kaoru was busy fixing lunch. Well... it was a good thing that she couldn't see that her student was pacing rather than practicing. And, since Kenshin had been summarily dispatched to the market to get some tofu to replace the first tofu that Kaoru had tried to cook, that left Yahiko by himself. With his shinai. And his thoughts. And several vague plans for trying to sneak off to the Akabeko that had surprisingly little to do with getting an edible afternoon meal.

_Now that we're alone_

_May I tell you_

_I've been feeling rather strange_

Shaking his head, he closed his eyes, took several of the deep breaths he had learned as the first step of the Kamiya Kasshin style, and tried to resume his practice.

'_Concentration, Myojin!'_ he thought fiercely, _'If this were a real fight, like the ones that Kenshin's been in, then you'd be in real trouble right now!'_

His mental reprimand kept him on track for another hundred and fifty-seven strokes, before he found his mind wandering again...

_Either something's in the air_

_Or else a change is happening in me_

'_Man, this is getting boring... one thousand strokes this morning, just on account of pointing out to Sano that busu's miso soup tasted like something died in it... at this rate, I'll be too tired to spar properly this afternoon... especially since she's gonna be cooking lunch as well... although once Kenshin gets back with the tofu, I bet he'll manage to keep things reasonably edible... unless he's in one of those weird moods again where he gets all jumpy being in the same room with her and says "Oro" whenever anybody tries to talk with him... ' _

It wasn't that Yahiko minded the drills, exactly... he knew for a fact that they were making him stronger, and increasing his skill level. He'd seen the difference when he'd gotten a chance to smack that rich brat Yutaro around. He snorted to himself. Being on the receiving end of Yahiko's ...well, not _blade_, exactly, but the match had sure proven that he could hold his own against some idiot kid who thought he was better than the rest of them.

But there had to be more he could do than just a hundred strokes, or five hundred, or a thousand... like that time he'd set up that tree down by the river, with those boards. Ok, fine, he hadn't been thinking of the Kamiya Kasshin style when he'd done it; he'd been trying to duplicate the way he'd seen Kenshin move. Not very successfully, he thought, remembering the board swinging to knock him over, tumbling gracelessly to the ground, his broken sandal flying through the air...

... a pair of soft brown eyes, and a shy voice asking him if he was alright...

The shinai stopped in mid-stroke, halted by the memory of those brown eyes. Dark and fringed by long lashes, filled with an expression of concern..

_I think I know the cause_

_I hope I know the cause_

_From everything I've heard,_

_There's only one cause it can be..._

_'Tsubame's so shy; pretty amazing that she said anything at all,'_ Yahiko thought as he stood, his exercises forgotten. _'I mean, she could've just walked away_ _when I ... lost a fight to a board... Or she could've laughed at me about it, instead of helping me with my sandal the way that she did...I wonder if I still have that sandal, the one she fixed for me...'_

The memory of the way she had looked so serious, so intent, as she fixed his sandal for him, made Yahiko's mouth curve up in a grin. Tsubame hadn't even known him them, and yet she'd been so kind to him. And he'd been so startled that he hadn't even been able to cover his deep embarassment that somebody had seen him make an utter idiot of himself with his usual cocky attitude and insults. In fact, he hadn't even been able to move, had felt frozen in place, unable to do anything more than watch the way her hair fell forward and her hands moved as she worked.

_Love, I hear, makes you smile a lot_

_Also love, I hear, leaves you weak_

The faint sounds of Kenshin's arrival at the gate snapped Yahiko out of his musings, and lent renewed determination to his practice. No way he was letting Kenshin see him slacking off! How was he supposed to persuade the red-haired samurai to spar with him someday if he didn't seem to be taking his training seriously? And he was almost positive that he was _blushing_, like some kind of idiot...

Yahiko's expression was fierce as he swung the shinai, almost missing Kenshin's gentle smile of greeting as he brought the tofu towards the kitchen. Slightly embarassed, Yahiko paused to grin back and ask"Hey, Kenshin, do you know when lunch is gonna be ready"

"It shouldn't be too much longer, Yahiko, that it shouldn't. Kaoru-dono has been chopping the vegetables and preparing the rice, that she has, so all sessha has to do is is chop the tofu and cook everything." Kenshin paused, clearly thinking. Yahiko wasn't sure if he was trying to figure out exactly how long cooking the tofu and vegetables would take, or calculating the odds that Kaoru's determined attempt to cook the rice would have resulted in a mess that managed to be both mushy and burned, and whether it would be worth Kenshin cooking more.

Yahiko was willing to bet that they would be stuck with whatever she had managed to do to the rice. Kenshin honestly never seemed to mind Kaoru's cooking, and, even if he had, he'd never mentioned it.

_'I guess if I had spent ten years wandering around Japan and having to take whatever I could get, busu's cooking wouldn't seem so bad either...'_ He could still remember long nights when hunger had prevented sleep beyond a kind of restless, aching doze, in the days when he had been working for the yakuza. But the odds of him ever telling Kaoru that he was grateful for regular hot meals even when _she_ cooked them were only a little higher than those of Sano ever paying off his tab at the Akabeko.

Speak of the rooster... Yahiko rolled his eyes and adjusted his grip as the lanky ex-fighter-for-hire strolled through the dojo gate. Sano's sixth sense about when they were going to eat was almost as impressive as Kenshin's ability to predict his opponent's moves in battle.

"Yo, Kenshin! Hey, Yahiko! Jou-chan out teaching at another dojo again"

"Kaoru-dono is fixing lunch, that she is" Kenshin replied, and Yahiko was almost certain that there was a slightly mischevious twinkle in his violet eyes, in spite of his placid tone.

"Err...so.. Jou-chan is the one cooking today" The wheels in Sano's head were almost visibly turning. On the one hand, staying and eating lunch at the dojo meant getting his food for free. On the other, Kaoru's cooking wasn't always worth even that much.

Hoisting the tofu bucket again, Kenshin smiled and turned towards the kitchen, leaving Sano clearly torn between gambling on whatever Kaoru was likely to produce or spending money he probably intended to use for gambling on dice that afternoon.

Yahiko rolled his eyes and said"Jeez, Sano, if you dislike eating here so much, why do you keep showing up"

"What, a guy can't stop by to see how his friends are doing"

"Yeah, right. Look, if it's that bad, I'm heading over to the Akabeko this afternoon, and you could always grab something there."

Sano raised one eyebrow. "The Akabeko? Oh, really" Sitting down casually on the porch, he adjusted the fishbone he was chewing on and said"Sooooo, Yahiko-_chan_, what're you going all the way to the Akabeko _after _lunch for"

Yahiko automatically bristled at the diminutive and opened his mouth to reply angrily before he registered Sano's tone and expression. "I.. I'm not... I mean...It's for... for helping out Tae. If she needs it. 'Cause I said, you know, that I would. Do that. The helping."

"Ah, so it's all about helping out Tae..."

Confidant that he had come up with an excuse that was not only plausible but that made him look good, Yahiko plunged ahead"Well, sure, I mean, poor Tae, so much work to do, running a busy and popular restaurant, and that's without counting that certain people don't ever bother to _pay_ for their meals..."

"So it's got nothing to do with a certain cute little waitress who's always sneaking glances at you whenever we eat there"

"Of course it's got nothing to do with... Ts-Tsubame looks at me? Really" Yahiko's voice on the last syllable was more like a squeak, and he could feel that his cheeks had gone bright red.

What the hell was wrong with him today?

_Love, I hear, makes you blush and turns you ashen_

_You try to speak with passion, and squeak . . I hear_

Sano somehow managed to smirk around the fishbone in his mouth, and drawl out, "Ahh.. looks like our little Yahiko is finally growing up. Want me to give you some pointers about women, kid? Bet you could use all the help you can get..."

Feeling himself on safer ground now that he could use anger to cover his confusion, Yahiko snorted, "You? Give me pointers about women? Yeah, right. I'd be better off asking busu's advice."

Actually...Yahiko paused. That wasn't an entirely bad idea. '_Kaoru's a girl... well, technically, anyway.. bet she knows all about this sort of stuff, like what to say and everything... if I can just find a way to ask her without letting her know that I'm asking her...'_

Right now, though, he had more immediate problems, in the form of a certain rooster-head who clearly needed to have some sense knocked into his thick skull...

Setting his shinai carefully down next to the front steps of the house, Yahiko charged.

Lunch was perfectly normal.. which in this case meant that Kenshin had to use his godlike speed twice to prevent the main dish from getting knocked over, Sano got hit upside the head with a flying rice bowl flung by a furious Kaoru, and Yahiko and Sano both almost sustained serious chopstick injuries while fighting over the last pieces of tofu.

Afterwards, waiting until Sanosuke had strolled out the gate and Kenshin had started on the laundry, Yahiko went to help Kaoru wash the last of the dishes, trying to think of a way to say what he wanted.

"So.. um.. Kaoru.. if you were a girl.. I mean, if you were... I mean, um.. girls like, um.. flowers and..and... stuff, right?"

Well, _that_ hadn't gone the way he planned...

Kaoru, whose face had gone from startled to ominous to grinning over the course of his sentence, schooled her expression into careful neutrality and said, "Well, Yahiko... yes, girls do indeed like flowers."

She handed Yahiko a cloth for drying the newly washed dishes and turned back to the sink, before saying, "I remember when I was a little girl, my father used to take me walking down by the riverbank, or in the meadows outside of town... I would always come home with armfuls of flowers and try to fill every container in the dojo with them..." Her eyes turned wistful for a moment before she resumed attacking the pots and bowls with surprising fervor.

Yahiko wasn't quite sure what to say next. He knew that Kaoru missed her father very much; not that she ever said anything, to any of them, but she would sometimes get this look on her face, especially when they were in the Dojo, and he knew that she was wondering what her father would think of her efforts to keep the Kamiya Kasshin school alive on her own, what he would think of the "family" she'd gathered around her.

Sometimes, he wanted to tell her that he was sure her father would be proud of her, her strength and her spirit and her heart, the way that she was so determined to make her school thrive so that the ideals of Kamiya Kasshin could become a part of the new era. Sometimes he wanted to tell her that he knew exactly what it meant to be the last of your family, to have a name and a heritage and a responsibility to it. That was something the two of them had in common, a burden of remembrance that even Kenshin didn't have to deal with.

But Yahiko could never find the words for it, and every time he tried, he ended up getting embarassed, and every time he got embarassed he tried to cover it up, and every time he tried to cover it up... well, he supposed that having to practice that much was also a way of helping maintain Kaoru's family style.

Once the dishes were done, Yahiko tried to come up with a way to casually saunter out of the dojo and towards the center of town. Since this was one of the days where she didn't have to go anyplace to give lessons, Kaoru was going to spend the afternoon at home, probably cleaning the house and continuing her ongoing battle against the clutter in the storage shed. He knew that he had to clean the Dojo floor and sweep the porch, but he had a sneaking suspicion that if he started that now, he would inevitably get dragged into her grand organizational schemes and end up too sweaty and exhausted afterwards to go anywhere.

Although maybe if they all worked hard cleaning all day, he could drop subtle hints about going out to dinner afterwards?

Yahiko dismissed that plan almost as soon as it had occured to him. First, having Kenshin and Kaoru.. and Sano, who would doubtless magically appear the minute anybody in the Dojo used the words "beef pot," "Akabeko," and "tonight," there would mean that.. well, it would mean that Kenshin and Kaoru and Sano were there with him. And even if they didn't _say_ anything, they would get these looks—even Kenshin, who was unusually good at keeping his expressions under perfect control, would have that amused, encouraging twinkle in his violet eyes.

That ruled out dinner. Or, maybe..

'_If we're not having dinner out, that means we're eating here... and Kenshin only brought home tofu for lunch today... so, somebody should really go and get food for tonight, right?'_ Yahiko grinned to himself. This was a perfect plan! Kaoru was already in the clothes she only wore when she engaged in intensive and therapeutic housecleaning, and Kenshin was up to his elbows in laundry, so that clearly meant that he, Yahiko Myojin, was the only one who could carry out the vital task of making sure that they would all be able to have a good, nutritious, hopefully-not-cooked-by-Kaoru dinner after a long afternoon's work.

Straightening his shoulders, Yahiko walked towards the laundry bucket. Without even turning around, Kenshin said, "Hello, Yahiko; is there anything else that needs to be washed? It's a perfect day for hanging things out to dry, that it is."

"Umm.. no, I don't think so. Although I'm not really the one to ask. Kaoru's gonna be cleaning the house and stuff this afternoon; you could see if she turns up anything else that needs to be washed." he replied as he reached where the rurouni was kneeling and rinsing out the first batch of clothes before getting ready to hang them up.

Kenshin smiled as he stood up and stretched slightly. "That's a good idea, Yahiko, that it is. Sessha will definitely see if there's anything else Kaoru-dono wants washed, as long as she's engaged in Spring cleaning."

"Good.. good.. So, um.. Kenshin.. have you thought about what we're having for dinner, I mean, do we need anything else, I mean, um, if you're doing laundry and she's cleaning, I could, um, run to the market. For food. If we needed anything else." Yahiko blurted out in the nervous rush that seemed to be replacing his regular way of talking today.

To his vast relief, Kenshin managed to keep even that twinkle in his eyes under control this time, and to act as if Yahiko's request had been delivered in a perfectly calm and even tone. In fact, Kenshin even cocked his head to one side and gave every appearance of considering Yahiko's suggestion carefully, weighing the options, before he said, "Thank you, Yahiko; sessha thinks that that is an excellent idea. You can try to find some fresh fish, that you can, or more tofu if there's nothing else that looks good. Sessha thinks that we have enough vegetables, but feel free to see if there's anything exceptionally fresh."

"Thanks, Kenshin! I mean... Right! Fish, or tofu, and maybe vegetables.. got it!" Yahiko spun and dashed back to the kitchen to get money from the household funds, did a quick self-inspection to make sure he hadn't spilled soup down the front of his gi during lunch, yelled to Kaoru that he was going to market, and sprinted out the front gate before she could pause long enough to give him a list of other things to pick up.

Remembering Kaoru's suggestions after lunch, Yahiko's first stop was down by the riverbank. He had thought about going to the meadow outside of town, but had decided it would take too long to get there and back again.

'_I just hope that there's something here that looks like a flower and doesn't smell awful or something,'_ he thought to himself as he scanned the riverbank for signs of a color other than green or brown. Seeing a cluster of small, white flowers, he grinned, and then set about retrieving a small bouquet of them without getting his feet all muddy in the process.

Yahiko approached the Akabeko with a noticeable spring in his step, before it occurred to him that he still hadn't figured out how exactly he was going to get a chance to talk with Tsubame.

He could ask Tae, of course, but that meant.. well, asking Tae, and he didn't want to do that. Recently, Tae had been getting a very determined look on her face every time she looked at Kaoru and Kenshin, and Yahiko _really_ didn't want that look directed at him and Tsubame.

Because then he could never, ever, ever eat at the Akabeko again, and he really did like their beef pots.

Walking through the front door of the restaurant with what he hoped was a casually stealthy attitude, Yahiko looked around for signs of the restaurant's owner. Tae was chatting with a group of customers in one of the side booths, a cheerful smile on her face as she collected their dishes and made pleasant small talk.

Yahiko let out a deep breath. _'Good, Tae's busy... now I just have to figure out a way to..'_

"Yahiko!" a soft voice piped up behind him "What are you doing here?"

'_... find Tsubame..'_ he finished mentally as he turned around to look into a pair of soft brown eyes that were smiling up at him in a way that made all the speeches he'd constructed for himself on the way into town vanish without a trace.

"I.. um... we needed... um... shopping, and... I'm supposed to be looking for fish, and so I thought of you.. I mean, I thought of stopping by to see you, and, um, seeing if you had.. if you were... um.. here!"

The one useful piece of advice Yahiko had picked up from Sano was that when words weren't working out, it was time to resort to action. Pulling the small cluster of flowers from where he'd been keeping them inside of his gi, Yahiko held them out to the slightly startled girl in front of him.

Tsubame looked slowly at the flowers, then blinked, then looked back up at Yahiko, and blinked again.

'_Argh! They're squished! The flowers are all squished; what an idiot, should have figured out a better way to carry them, although then people would have seen them, and then they would have known I was carrying flowers around, and then they would have known that...'_

The spiral of Yahiko's thoughts sputtered to an abrupt halt as Tsubame smiled at him, and reached out a hand to take the small bouquet. He was so startled that he almost forgot to let go of the flowers, until her small fingers brushed lightly against his hand, and then he dropped them as if he'd been burned.

'_Really smooth, Myojin...'_ Yahiko thought with annoyance.

But Tsubame's eyes were lighting up as she looked at the flowers and held them up to her nose to smell their faint perfume, and she didn't seem to have noticed his nervous start.

"Um.. I just wanted.. I never really got to thank you, for the sandals, I mean, and so I wanted to. Say thank you. Because you didn't even know me, and you were really helpful and you didn't laugh or anything and... and.. so.. thank you."

Honestly, that had gone better than he'd thought it would.

"Oh, that's alright," Tsubame replied shyly, as she smelled the flowers once more before tucking them into the inside of her sleeve. "Really, I didn't mind helping. And you've done so much since then, you saved me from those thugs, and you beat off that robber..."

"Well, you know, a samurai has responsibilities," Yahiko said confidently, trying not to sound like he was bragging. "I mean, I couldn't just let you.. and.. and everybody be in trouble and not help out. The Kamiya Kasshin style is all about protecting people, you know!"

This was definitely much safer ground than anything having to do with flowers, or feelings. On the other hand, Yahiko was fairly certain Tae was about to finish up and start walking back in their direction, and he did have to actually go to the market, so...

"Well, I should get going. With the shopping. Kaoru and Kenshin are back cleaning the house and doing laundry.. well, Kaoru is cleaning and Kenshin is doing laundry... anyway, I need to go take care of that fish..."

"And I need to get back to work too," Tsubame answered. "It was very nice to see you, Yahiko-ch.. Yahiko. If you have to do the shopping again, you could come by and say hello. I mean, if you ever wanted any tips about good places to get fish. Or, um, other things. We have to deal with a lot of the merchants here..." she trailed off, the faintest of blushes evident across her cheeks.

"Thanks, Tsubame!" Yahiko said enthusiastically "That would be.. um.. helpful!"

Tsubame's shy smile before she left to take orders from a table in the back of the restaurant made Yahiko's heart do a strange flip-flop and he walked out to the marketplace smiling broadly, before he remembered that he was out in public, where people could _see_ him.

_Love, they say, makes you pine away_

_But you pine away, with an idiotic grin_

Samurai weren't supposed to walk around with goofy grins plastered on their faces!

...Well, unless they were Kenshin.

The market was always crowded in the afternoon, which, while it had always made it one of the best times of day when he was a pickpocket, was something that Yahiko now just found annoying. He'd taken care of what he wanted to take care of, and now he just wanted to finish up and head back home so that he could get some more practicing done before he had to clean. Or he could clean and then practice.

Although, considering how enthusiastic Kaoru got when she was caught up in one of her massive organizational projects, planning on doing anything else once he'd gotten started with the cleaning was probably overly optimistic.

As Yahiko headed determinedly towards the corner of the market where the fish merchants were loudly proclaiming the freshness of their wares, he caught sight of a familiar slim, graceful profile, heading in the same direction.

"Hey, Megumi!" he called cheerfully to the young doctor. She turned and smiled at the sound of his voice.

"Hello, Yahiko!" she returned "What are you doing out in the market? I thought that Ken-san took care of the shopping."

"Oh, Kenshin's doing the laundry... I thought I should go out and pick up stuff for dinner."

Megumi's expression suddenly turned slightly speculative as she looked at the direction Yahiko had been coming from. She raised one perfect eyebrow and said, "Isn't the dojo in the other direction?"

Yahiko, who had been congratulating himself on accomplishing his mission without comments or interference from anybody at the dojo or at the Akabeko, suddenly realized that he had been overly optomistic.

"I.. I.. it's.. um... well, you know, I wanted to ask Tae if she needed extra workers over the weekend," Yahiko stammered. It had worked on Sano, after all, so there was no reason it wouldn't...

"Oh, that's sweet, Yahiko-chan," Megumi said, and Yahiko could practically see the fox ears popping up behind her head, "And?"

"A—and?" Yahiko said, his voice sounding half-strangled.

"Did Tae need help?"

The one problem with his story, Yahiko realized... well, other than the fact that nobody seemed to believe him... was that he had the feeling it was going to result in him having to work the entire weekend, just to keep it from coming out that he had been lying.

'_If they don't believe me anyway, why do they keep pretending they do? Just to see me squirm?'_ he grumbled to himself.

Then he realized that Megumi was still staring at him, an amused expression in her eyes as she watched his face redden.

_I pine, I blush, I squeak, I squawk_

_Today I woke too weak to walk_

_What's love I hear, I feel. I fear, I'm in._

"She.. she was busy! With a customer, and so I couldn't talk with her. I'll check tomorrow," Yahiko declared with a sudden burst of inspiration.

He sighed in relief as Megumi said, "Well, it's _terribly_ sweet of you to be so conscientious, Yahiko. I wish that idiot Rooster was half as good at volunteering; at the very least, it would help balance out his tab there! You be sure to say hello to dear Ken-san and everybody at the dojo for me; I have to go and tend to a patient. She's trying to get over a fever, and her poor husband is frantic about her. I keep telling him that his wife is going to be fine, but you know what it's like when the one you love is sick; you just want them to get better."

_See what I mean..._

_I hum a lot too_

Yahiko sighed again as the doctor turned and headed away. He really needed to get that fish, and head back home. As he looked over the merchants' selections, he suddenly realized that he had no idea how to pick a good fish out from a bad one. They all looked and smelled... fish-like, as far as he could tell. Were they supposed to look different if they were older? Or newer?

'_I wish Tsubame could have come with me,'_ he thought. _'She said she could help me, because they have to deal with the fish merchants. Maybe I should go back and...? No, no; they're busy, and I don't have time... but next time, maybe. Definitely next time. Tsubame and I could go to the market together, and maybe I could bring her more flowers, and we could walk along the riverbank...She would like that, right? Maybe I should ask Kaoru again...'_

Yahiko suddenly caught up with his own runaway thoughts, and felt slightly dizzy. Ask... busu? For advice about how to... well, he wasn't _courting_ Tsubame, he was just.. he just liked spending time with her, that was all. She was sweet, and pretty, and she was nice to him, and spending time with her made him feel...

_I'm dazed, I'm pale,_

_I'm sick, I'm sore_

_I've never felt so well before_

... it made him feel warm inside, he decided, like something he could remember from when he was little, and the whole family had still been together. Like the way he had felt when he'd seen how his mother and father had looked at each other.

Did that mean.. that he felt the same way about Tsubame? That he.. loved her? Thinking back to what Megumi had said, about being worried about someone if they were sick or in trouble, he tried to imagine what he would feel like if Tsubame was sick.

'_I'd be worried... of course I'd be worried! It would be like that time with the gangsters, but.. but... I wouldn't be able to do anything like I could then... That would be... not being able to do anything to help would be... Well, I would just have to help take care of her, and maybe she could stay at the dojo, so that I could spend time with her when I wasn't practicing; I bet that would help her get better faster...as long as Kaoru wasn't cooking...'_

Yahiko was so caught up in his plans for taking care of Tsubame that it was a bit of a shock when he remembered that she wasn't actually sick.

'_Oops... I guess I don't need to ask if Tsubame could stay at the dojo... In fact, I really better not; I can just imagine the looks everybody would give me..._

_But if she was sick, I wouldn't care about the looks they'd give me...'_ he thought, _'I'd just want to do everything I could to make sure she got better... I guess I.. I mean, I really do care about her. A lot. And I want to make sure that she's happy, and protected, and taken care of. So I guess that means that I do.. I really do...'_

_What's love I hear_

_I feel, I fear_

_I know I am_

_I'm sure, I mean_

_I hope, I trust,_

_I pray, I must be in._

"Well, sonny, do you want that one?" the merchant whose stall Yahiko was standing in front of asked gruffly, his tone clearly indicating that he didn't appreciate people just lounging and thinking and not buying.

Yahiko blinked, then gave a broad grin, this time not caring if anybody saw him, if the whole world saw him. "Sure!" he said, "That looks like an excellent fish; can you wrap it up for me?"

And even after the fish was paid for and wrapped up and safely in the basket, Yahiko kept grinning to himself, lost in thought, all the way out of the market, and down the road, to the gate of the Kamiya Dojo.

_Forgive me if I shout_

_Forgive me if I crow_

_I've only just found out, and_

_Well, I thought you ought to know_

* * *

Author's Note: Ack! Sorry about the delay; I was.. um.. well, there were holidays, and moving, and.. well, the being mugged by random plot bunnies didn't help. Annoying little fuzzballs. Plus these chapters seem to keep getting longer, although I think that's because more characters are getting involved and the timespan covered is increasing. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Anyway, apologies, and I hope that you like this chapter! This is a song sung by Hero, who is the dashing young man in "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum," as he's trying to figure out his own feelings (in the movie version, he's played by a disturbingly young Michael Crawford). It seemed like a good song for Yahiko, because Tsubame is the first girl in his life, and he probably hasn't ever really thought about the issue before. 


End file.
